Saturday, May 30, 2015

I'm Still Here

I know it has been forever since I posted anything but a lot has been going on since Christmas. First my health has not really been too good. As many of you know I have neuropathy in my hands and feet/legs. It makes it hard to walk steady and I am always in pain. I am on medications but they do not work 100%. My hands have gotten worse lately. I'm even having trouble typing this post. I have been tested more than one time for everything in the world that may cause it and all tests are fine. They just put me in that category where they don't know why I have it or what caused it. Bummer!

Then right after Christmas my mom had to go to the hospital. She was not able to breathe. She had been fighting COPD since 2006.  During the time she was in the hospital, she had to be put on a ventilator because she was not getting enough oxygen in her system. Her muscles in her whole body had gone down so much over the years that she was not strong enough to breath on her own. Eventually they put in a trach line because the tubes had been in her throat from her mouth too long and could damage her throat. She then came down with shingles but she was on so many meds that it came and went. They had her doing physical therapy which after awhile she was getting a little stronger. She started to get better. The whole time she was in the hospital they would draw blood once or twice a day to check certain levels of everything. So they had to give her blood to replace what they took cuz she was not producing new blood fast enough.

She had been in the hospital for two months. Then on February 26th (I believe) her organs started to shut down. Did not know why at that time. It was like a complete turn around. Apparently she had developed sepsis. I had heard of it but was not sure what it was. Sepsis is contracted through blood transfer. Those last couple of bags they gave her apparently had the disease. There is no cure and no way to test for it cuz I asked the doctor why they don't test the blood people give for sepsis. I know they test it for tons of other stuff but there is no way to test for that disease. And it works fast!

My mom passed away on February 28th.

I was really close to my mom. I had never lost anyone that close to me so it has really been hard. I'm an only child so I have no siblings to mourn with. I do have my family though and they have been great, especially my sweet hubby. He lost his mom awhile back so he knows what I'm going through. I went through his mom's passing too and it was awful....for me. Hubby was strong but for some reason it affected me worse. I was a wreck for a long time. I loved my MIL. She was a sweet woman but I was not sure why I was morning for her so bad. I had hoped that if and when I lost my own mom I would feel just as bad and worse. Well I DO!!

I know death is as part of life and everyone goes through this at one level or another, but this is just too much for me to handle. I had always told friends when they lost their loved one that time will heal but now that I am going through it, I just want to much time does it take?  Geez!  Enough already with the water works!  But I just can't help it. I loved my mother very much and I'm not sure if it is because I am an only child, but it just feels like it will never end. I have a very close friend who lost her mother a few years back and while we were at the gravesite, I remember seeing her really cry hard. I had seen her cry before but not like that. I gave her a hug when I left and she was trembling and still crying hard as we hugged. I knew she had siblings to be there for her and for each other so I know she would be ok. I felt so bad for her. She was the only girl out of I think four brothers and even though I know she grew up tough, you would never know it from the amount of sadness she expressed. And I am sure that even though she was the only girl in the family, because of that I believe that is what made her close to her mom and what made her tough exterior disappear during that time and just become a daughter that lost her mom.

I'm so sorry to go into all that but she has been a great friend to me for a very long time and she is the one I have been leaning on through this very sad time in my life. She loved my mom too.

So ANYHOO I want you guys to know I will be trying to get my act together and start crafting again. I will be going to a crop in July. I missed the one in January for obvious reasons but I am excited for this one cuz I will be scrapping layouts of my grand baby!  Who hoo!!  I have steadily been gathering things that I know I will need for "baby" layouts.  I will eventually be doing an album about my mom also. I have been collecting pics from her sisters of when she was little. She was a cute kid!  No baby pics though. Bummer!

Ok so let's get to it!  Love you guys!

Karen Sue

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry Karen Sue, my heart just aches for you. My mom is sick with parkinsons disease and I am trying to prepare myself as best I can but I can't "go there" mom and I are very close and I can't imagine life without her. I know I will have to face it sooner than I'd like but I don't know how I will manage. You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight, I sure hope you find some peace soon. Cyber Hugs!